


Slumber's Torture

by YAYProductions



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Genre: Angst, Gen, SAINW
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-03-28
Updated: 2013-03-30
Packaged: 2017-12-06 18:59:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/739030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YAYProductions/pseuds/YAYProductions
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Donatello suffers from a series of nightmares depicting a terrifying and brutal future. But the only question remains- is he really dreaming? Set in the 2012 series, but based on "Same As It Never Was" from the 2003 series.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Just A Nightmare

Donatello couldn't believe his eyes. The entirety of the grotesqueness of the situation before him alone was enough to make one terror stricken. But the fact that his brothers, Leonardo, Raphael, and Michelangelo now lay dead at his feet was an even more gruesome fact to try to come to terms with. And...it was all his fault...all of this was his fault...If he could somehow change it, oh how he wished he change this horrifying fate! But things like "if's" and "wishes" didn't come true. Not for him. Not for reality.

Both Leonardo and Raphael had been killed by Karai. The Shredder's daughter- he should have known, he should have anticipated this. But no, he overlooked, overcompensated her abilities, merely thinking of the teenager that he and his brothers battled over the past few months. But this Karai, she had thirty more years experience than his Karai. She had tussled with his brothers even more numerous times than he could have imagined. She knew their strengths and weaknesses.

Michelangelo, dear dear Mikey, had been overpowered by Karai legions. It always wound up back to Karai. It was all her fault! No...it wasn't. Even though it was Shredder who was behind his brothers' demise, even though Karai was his right-hand soldier, it didn't matter. It was all his fault. It was all Donatello's fault.

Blood dribbled out of the corner of Mikey's mouth. His body had been pounded, blasted, and torn by the legions. The slightest of moans escaped from his lips. "D..Donnie?" Rushing over to his beloved brother's side, Donatello took Mikey's one good hand.

"I'm here!" The words poured out of Donnie like a dam. He wasn't going to let his brother die alone. Not like this.

"Where's...where's Leo 'n Raph?" Mikey's voice was thick and deep, yet very quiet, so unlike his usual, noisy, boisterous self.

"Mikey...they're...they're gone..." Donnie squeezed his eyes together tightly, trying to fight back the tears that poured down his face as a waterfall.

Mikey choked, letting out a muffled sob. "You sure bro?"

"Karai...she..."

"Please Donnie. Check for me. I want to know for sure," It was a last request from Hamato Michelangelo, and not one that his brother was going to turn down, no matter how bad it hurt him.

"Okay Mikey. But stay here, okay? Don't leave me," Donnie whispered. He had to be here for Mikey when...when he passed on.

"Can't go anywhere but up, and I don't plan on to go there either," Mikey chuckled, but grimaced. Despite Mikey's upbeat attitude, Donatello knew it was too late for his brother. Far too late. Even human doctors wouldn't be able to save him, no matter what they did.

Patting his brother's shell, Donnie stood up. He recoiled the second he saw Leo and Raph. Seeing them laying down beside each other, he remembered Raph's outcry as Karai had slashed through his shell, leaving a laceration that could never be healed. He could vividly see the red masked turtle fall to the ground, inching his way to Leo's still warm body, who have been slain only moments previous. He, too, had been cut through his shell, down to his now exposed spinal cord. Had he actually lived, he would have no doubt been paralyzed neck down.

Had he lived...that phrase alone bore through Donatello's heart. Kneeling down, he checked for a pulse on Raph's neck, and watched his chest for any signs of life, but it was as he feared. There was nothing. An utter, still, nothing. Donnie couldn't stand to bear holding back the tears any longer. He let them flow freely as he also knelt down beside Leo, but there was no life in him either. His heartbeat was as still as Raph's. Karai had surely done her job.

Carefully, and tenderly, Donnie removed Leo's sunglasses. For memories' sake he told himself. Gazing down at his deceased brother, he saw how empty and cold Leo's blind eyes were. But despite all that, there was pain and courage etched hard in them, never to disappear. It was all Leo was. Determined, a fighter to the end. The leader. The big brother. The comforter. And he was gone...

A flashback passed through Donnie's skull. It happened recently, before Donnie came here. A fight with the Kraang...Leo leaping into action...saving Donnie from a fatal shot...compassionately consoling him as his adrenaline spiked from the near death experience...

Donatello shook himself from that memory. He couldn't remember. He didn't want to. He had to make himself to think of something else. He had to move on.

Going back to Raphael, he untied the bandana that had caressed his brother's face for so long. He forced himself to stare into the hot-head's eyes. Or rather, his one eye. The other was gone...just as gone as Mikey's arm and Leo's eyesight. Had he been there, he would have prevented it, he would have stopped it all.

Raphael's famous stubbornness was there always, and pride, but there was something else. Fear encompassed Raphael, a fear that Donatello had never known for him to have. The fear of losing the battle was imminent, but the fear of losing his family had filled his soul. And lost them he had.

Getting back up, Donnie shook as he saw the liquid he had been in. The crimson ink of his brothers had mingled, their life essence now on him, and seeping into the ground below. Why hadn't he noticed? Stars danced in his vision as he breathed in the cruel stench of death. "Mikey?" He whispered as he neared his wounded brother. As no noise came from him, fear clenched Donatello. "Mikey?!" He spoke louder, praying to God that Mikey wasn't gone. Falling to his knees, Donnie held his brother's head, coddling it, stroking it, hoping to see Mikey's chest rise and fall with a breath. There was nothing. Absolutely nothing, just like Leo, just like Raph. He had lost Mikey and he wasn't even there. "NO!" Donnie cried out, screaming to the world, his body now racked with anguish. "Why..." He moaned. "Why?!" Shouting out in anger, he glared at two other bodies. Those of his enemies, slain by his own hands, it was all their fault! Oroku Saki had created this accursed world alongside his minion, and they had died with it. They would not be buried, no, not by Donatello. They didn't deserve it. They would just lay there and rot, to be picked apart by the many scavengers out there. The vultures and crows, the buzzards and ravens, what did it matter as long as Shredder and Karai were humiliated in their deaths. It was such a sad and sick revenge.

Clambering to his feet, Donatello stood, although where he found the strength to commit such a feat was unimaginable. He cried out again, and for once words were seemingly not enough for him. They did not let the world know his pain. His screams echoed across the landscape, and he collapsed, exhausted. Curling up into a ball, he sobbed, completely alone, with none left to comfort him.

Donatello awoke, having cried himself to sleep. The area around him was dark, as if all the light from the moon and stars had evaporated, leaving it just as stark bare as everything else in his life. As Donnie's eyesight began to clear, images passed by in his mind. His brothers...they were...they were all dead...

Sitting up, it hit Donnie that he was in a bed. A very soft, comfortably familiar, lumpy mattress that welcomingly smelled of herbs, old paper, and pencil lead. It was...no it couldn't be...but it was! This was where he slept every night, often brining his work with him! It was his bed! Practically flying, Donnie leapt up, straight to where his door should be. Ever so cautiously opening it, he was suddenly flooded with harsh, bright lights that clouded his vision, blinding him momentarily. But he wouldn't stay still. Using his hands to guide him down the hallway, Donnie could hear voices in the living room.

The view before him was unbelievable. There, standing alive and in the flesh, utterly unwounded and completely whole, and not to mention as young and immature as ever were none other than his brothers. Leonardo, Raphael, Michelangelo they were all there, just sitting around, laughing about one thing or another. That alone brought tears to Donnie's eyes. This must be heaven. But could one feel heartache in heaven? He thought not. So this must not be heaven, which could only mean they were alive. Just thinking it through cleared Donatello's mind, and he knew what had happened.

They had noticed him. They saw the fresh tears, as well as the paths of the old ones that stained his cheeks.

"Donnie?" Leo asked first. Oh, that sweet word, the compassion in that tone.

"Are you okay Bucketbrain?" Even Raph was concerned, although he threw in a supposed despised nickname. Dear Raph, he was just as protective as Leo.

"Dude, have you been crying?" Leave it to Mikey to innocently point out the obvious.

"It was just..." Donnie tried to speak, but his throat began to close. "...just a nightmare..."


	2. Where Am I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Donatello suffers from a series of nightmares depicting a terrifying and brutal future. But the only question remains- is he really dreaming? Set in the 2012 series, but based on "Same As It Never Was" from the 2003 series.

“It was just a nightmare,” Donnie repeated. Oh, how he prayed it was just that. Just an insane figment of his insane imagination. It had too be. It was. It was just a nightmare.

Mikey ran up and squeezed him tight with both arms. Both of them. “It’s okay bro,” His voice sounded so young...so young and innocent. He had no clue what his brother had seen or experienced. But it was just a dream. It wasn’t true. “I have nightmares too. Usually about birthday parties,” Mikey shuddered, but there was humor in his voice. It made him seem complete and whole.

Raph crossed his arms, a position he seemed to always take. Donatello had long suspected that it was more a defense position than just adding to his tough guy act. He was defending himself, which only reminded Donnie of his older brother’s death. He had died defending himself, along with his family. “That wasn’t an ordinary nightmare,” He huffed.

“You’re really shaken up Donnie,” Leo finally spoke. He was the protector, but he was also a lot like Donnie. They both would step back and assess a situation before responding. It made Donnie feel that much closer to him. “Do you want to talk about it?” The sincerity in it, and the concern, it reverberated from him. Anything that ever wanted to harm his brothers had to go through Leo first. And go through it it had- and it had cost Leo the ultimate price- his life. He had died...but no, Donnie had to remind himself that Leo was standing here, live and trying to help him. All his brothers were.

“I-” Donnie tried to will himself to speak. But how could he? How could he tell them he witnessed their very own deaths before his eyes? How? “I-” They were staring at him, waiting patiently. Even Mikey, despite his short attention span. His short attention span...it wouldn’t last long...he would be forced to learn...

“Donnie?” Leo asked again. It sent a shock through Donnie’s system. Leo laying there...on the ground...bleeding to death...calling out for him...his voice barely reaching his ears...he needed him and he wasn’t there! He wasn’t there for his brothers when they needed him most! His heart clenched, tightening in his chest, and his head became dizzy. He felt sick, like he was going to vomit. He was frozen in place, as if suspended in time, motionless. His mind was blank, and he could feel himself falling, as if the ground had given way underneath him, and gravity had latched itself onto his ankles, pulling him down. He gasped as he watched Mikey hovering over him, calling out his name. It was the last thing he heard.

~

“Donnie,” Mikey’s hoarse voice snapped Donatello back into reality. “You okay bro?” His words seemed to far away for Donnie to comprehend them, like when he had wandered off to far in the sewer. They would echo, but you couldn’t understand what was being said.

“It’sjustanightmare. It’sjustanightmare. It’sjustanightmare,” Donnie whispered to himself quickly. It had to be. That’s all it was. It was just a nightmare.

“We stopped telling ourselves that years ago,” Raph growled. He held no remorse for the tears that had started dripping down Donnie’s cheeks, and Donnie knew this.

“Raph!” Leo barked. He still stood at still as a statue, his expression hardly changing. It wasn’t his fault though. 

“What Fearless?! He’s gotta learn, and he’s gotta learn quickly! This isn’t like when we were kids!” Their argument quickly faded into the background of Donatello’s thoughts. What his brothers had just told him couldn’t possibly true. It just couldn’t be. He didn’t want it to be. It was was to cruel- to inhumane. And with his imagination- his accursed imagination- he could see every detail they told him. He could reflect what they said, and turn it into reality.

He vaguely looked up at Mikey. His missing arm was just a testament of one of the many tortures he had been subjected to by Shredder. It was like a slap in the face. Donatello hadn’t been there to protect his younger brother when nobody else could, or even would. 

He turned his gaze over to Raph. He was in Leo’s face, yelling, shouting out all kinds of things. Donnie couldn’t even grasp the situation. All he saw was the scars that were engraved onto his body, scars of great battles, and scars of not so great ones. Old scars, new scars, tokens and symbols that were stamped and tattooed upon his body, making an impression and indication of all that he had been through. But that wasn’t the worst of it. His left eye was gone- obliterated. He wasn’t just blind in it, it had been wrenched out of his body, leaving him with half of his vision. Shredder thought it would have made him half as dangerous- but he was wrong.

Leo, perhaps, was worse off than any of Donnie’s brothers. He had completely lost his eyesight, and worse yet, it wasn’t from Shredder. Of all the things, it was his own brother that had done this to him. In one of their many fights, Raphael himself had lashed out, forever marring Leonardo. Their friendship, and brotherhood, was no more thereafter.

The one thing that Donnie was grateful for, was that at least he hadn’t lost any of his brothers. He, unfortunately, couldn’t say the same for his father and Sensei, Hamato Yoshi. His hero was gone- dead for many of a many years. And that was his fault. All his fault. Just like Mikey’s arm, Raph’s eye, and Leo’s sight.

Michelangelo had told Donatello their story, their brothers intervening only occasionally, and Raph twice as much than Leo, because he was always contradicting what Leo was saying on top of what he had to add. But the story Mikey, or Mike as he went by now, was so depressing and traumatic, that Donnie was still trying to wrap his mind around it. As Mikey had said, it had started thirty years ago when something had happened to Donatello. 

At that point, Donnie had noted that Raph had shot Mikey a glare that told Mikey he wasn’t to go there, and Leo had cleared his throat. Even now it made him wonder what had truly occurred. But Mikey had continued, simply saying that ‘Don’ was gone. With Don gone, their entire family had fallen apart. Which was why it was all his fault. He was Don, Donnie, Donatello, it didn’t matter what his name was, he was gone, and by the way his brothers acted, he no doubt abandoned them for some reason. But he would never...ever...leave his family for any reason unless...unless he had to protect them. But protect them from what?

With the family torn, Mikey went on saying that the fights between Leo and Raph had escalated to something they could have never imagined. Blame was being put on each other by the other brother, although what that blame was, Donnie didn’t know. It had something to do with him though. And the fight the erupted from it was a bloody one, leaving one brother forever handicapped.

Donnie could visually see it. It had started like any other fight, with something wrong about Raph’s attitude, or Leo being the perfectionist. From there, the name calling had begun, and Raph lunged at Leo, like he had no doubt done before. But this time he was holding a sai- his favorite weapon- and slashed Leo straight across the face. Leo’s agonizingly tormented scream echoed through the sewer halls, causing Master Splinter and Mikey to come running. Blood would be everywhere, dripping profusely from Leo’s face, and he would be curled up on the ground, sobbing from the pain. Raph would be rocking back and forth in a corner in shock, clutching his sai so tightly his knuckles were pale white, with hot tears building up in his eyes. Leo’s blood would also be on him, and the life sustenance would, in an ever so pathetic way, mingle with the salty liquid erupting from Raph, causing a light stain on the floor below him. They would, in fact, never be able to get that stain out, because it was cleaned up much later, soaking into the concrete.

Master Splinter and Michelangelo would attend to Leonardo wounds, none of them realizing how deep Raphael had cut. Leo would never see again due to Sensei and Mikey not knowing to properly treat him- a job that Donatello knew better than all of his family combined. With Raph always running out, he need to know everything in case something had happened. But again, he wasn’t there, he wasn’t there to prevent it, or to treat his big brother. He wasn’t there, and Leo paid for it. But why wasn’t he there?

Raph had tried to apologize. Donnie knew this- he could see the unforgiveness etched in Leo’s face. Leo had turned him down- something Leo would have never done unless he was extremely torn. Torn by fault in himself, torn by the loss of his brother, and torn that Raph would go so far. He could never bring himself to forgive. Never. And with that, Raphael’s anger only increased. If Leo couldn’t forgive him, then he couldn’t forgive himself. With that merciless belief, Raph no longer followed the rules, and drifted apart from the rest of his family. Mikey could no longer make him smile, Sensei could no longer talk him through a situation. He was his own person- and nobody else’s. He cared for no one, and believed no one cared for him. After all, since he was the one who stole Leo’s sight, then he was probably also the one who did deserve the blame. He was the troublemaker, the hothead. It was all his fault. And so, at the tender age of seventeen, he left them. He was all on his own, disowning himself from those he held dear.

Splinter’s heart couldn’t handle it. After losing a son, then having to cope with two others’ conflict, leaving one blinded, and the other gone, well, he was broken. He was to weak when the Shredder attacked, and although he fought bravely, he was in no state to face his arch nemesis. He barely survived the initial attack, and couldn’t even save Michelangelo from being taken by their enemy. Leonardo was the only one there when he passed on, and he held his father’s hand for hours afterwards, to afraid to move with his new blindness.

Mikey had discovered that Raphael had also been captured by the Foot Clan, though at the time he believed his brother near death. Raphael no doubt was very cold and bloody, his eye already pulled out. Since he refused to reveal where the lair was, Oroku Saki himself slowly sawed his eye out, just as Samson in the Bible. He remained strong though, and even tried not to pass out. That didn’t work though, as the blood loss left him exhausted. And that was how Mikey found him. The two, once Raph awoke, held each other until Shredder had come for the youngest brother, and although they both put up a fight, Raph most of all, he overcame them, dragging Mikey off to his torture room. He had no need to do what he did next- he already found their lair and unbeknownst to them, killed their father- but he felt the sickening need to put the most innocent of them all in the worst of circumstances. He broke Mikey’s spirit, and, amongst a variety of other injuries, also broke his arm. With that, Raph found a way of escape, although when Mikey told that part of the story, all their faces hardened, and Donnie could have sworn that he saw Raph’s eye look downcast, and he mouthed the word ‘Don’. Had he helped them? Did he come through? But Mikey had continued, not hinting to Donnie at all. His arm had become infected, and Raph had been forced to make a choice- lose his brother, or have him lose his arm. He chose the latter. 

At that time, April had brought Leo to her apartment and had helped him bury Master Splinter. Since she was eighteen, it wasn’t so hard to hide him, but with Shredder now able to take over the world, it was more difficult than had it been before. He hadn’t found Leonardo at his raid of the lair, and as thus hadn’t felt like he had exacted his revenge. And now with his two victims gone, it only made him search harder. But Raph and Mikey too headed to April, only to face the horrifying truth that their father was gone. It didn’t take much time after that for Raph to take off again, and although Leo stayed with April and Mikey physically, mentally he was lost to them. He learned to cope with his disability, and turned it into his strength, and left them once and for all.

And that’s where Donnie was. He only had one question for them. “Guys...” They all looked at him, surprised that he voiced anything. “Where am I?”


	3. Sea of Emotions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Donatello suffers from a series of nightmares depicting a terrifying and brutal future. But the only question remains- is he really dreaming? Set in the 2012 series, but based on "Same As It Never Was" from the 2003 series.

“Where am I?” Donnie repeated. “Where’s the real me? The me from here?” His voice grew louder, and he glanced back and forth between his brothers, although Leo couldn’t see him doing so. He no doubt sensed it, but he, nor any of their brothers, spoke a word. “Please,” He pleaded. “I have to know.”

It was Mikey who finally broke the silence. “No, you don’t bro,” His tone was laced with an amalgam of regret, sorrow, and oddly enough, fear. “Donnie,” He sighed. “Just don’t go there.”

“Why shouldn’t he?” Raph huffed, getting up from his leaning position on the wall. “He has the right to know,” Looking at Donnie, he sighed. Crossing his arms, and keeping them close to his chest, he exhaled deeply. “It’s all my fault...”

“Raphael!” Leo scowled. “What do you think you are doing?” Donnie could feel the tension rise in the room, and he flinched, cowering. He did his best to fade into the background, to be nothing more than a bystander. This could not be happening. It shouldn’t be happening.

“I’m just explaining to my little brother-” Raph was cut short by Leo’s scoff.

“Oh ho ho! First of all, he isn’t ready! Secondly, Donatello’s not just your little brother! You don’t own him, and you don’t own what happened!” Leo raged.

“I don’t?! So you’re finally taking responsibility after all these years?!“

“Don’t talk to me about responsibility! You’re one who left us- left Master Splinter when we needed you the most!”

“Us?! When was there ever an us?! As I recall, you said you hated me! You abandoned Mikey!” All in the room hushed. Leo clenched his jaw, and Raph tightened his hand into a fist.

“Guys,” Mikey put his hands up. “As used to this as we are, Donnie is not,” Donnie could feel Raph’s gaze on him, but he didn’t open his eyes to look his brother back. No, it was to painful. It hurt...just the mere thought of seeing his brothers like this one more second was enough to to make his heart crack under the pressure. It was as if someone was standing on his shell, crushing it, and him, under the weight of it. 

“It’sjustanightmare. It’sjustanightmare. It’sjustanightmare,” He found himself repeating these words, as if they were going to change everything, like he was just going to wake up and find that it was all false. Just a figment of the imagination. This just couldn’t be true. The hostility between Leo and Raph, it was to much. They could never loathe each other with such an intensity. It was impossible. They were brothers- and brothers stuck together. That’s why it couldn’t be true. It just wasn’t.

“You abandoned Mikey too,” Leo muttered, storming out of the room. Raph, to say the least, was steamed, and wheeled around, punching the concrete wall behind him.

“I gotta get out,” He ground his teeth, fuming, and with that, he was gone.

Mikey walked over to Donnie, laying his comforting hand on his shoulder. “Guess I’m the big brother now,” He chuckled lightly.

“Mikey...” Donnie whispered. “...what happened?”

“That’s for another time,” Mikey stated flatly. Bowing his head, he sighed. “After you rest.”

“But-” Donnie needed to know. He had to know how he tore his family apart in such a way that the bonds were unfixable. It was undeniable- he was the cause of contention, whatever he had done, or whatever had happened to him. Whatever he had allowed.

“Sleep Don...nie,” Mikey paused at his brother’s old nickname, smiling, but Donnie knew it was just a facade. “It’ll do you good.”

Donnie nodded. Laying down on the cot, he closed his eyes, and although he willed himself to stay awake, he drifted off to the land of dreams.

~

“Donatello!” A familiar voice urged Donnie from his slumber. “Donatello!” At first he opted to ignore the imploring need from whoever was calling, but as the voice was becoming more insistent, it seemed vitally important to wake. It wouldn’t leave him alone. That was when the clouds covering his mind began to float away with the wind of thoughts. Memories began to replace those clouds, horrible memories of his brothers, the bodies and souls tormented. He struggled to breathe, gasping for precious air that alluded him. It was as if it was not there. His body repeated the actions of earlier, flying up as he finally caught a well deserved breath.

“Donatello!” The person that had been luring him back into reality as none other than his father and sensei, Hamato Yoshi. Splinter was very much alive in this instant, although his tired eyes were consumed with worry.

“Father!” Donnie cried out, choking at the words as he clutched the man that held him. As much as he hated it, he could not hold it in. As if his brothers’ deaths on his hands wasn’t enough, the notion that he caused his father such heartache was to much to bear. He had literally signed Splinter’s death warrant, and he had signed it in blood.

“It is alright Donatello,” Splinter tried to soothe, but he was shaken beyond belief. Donnie could sense this, and as he looked around he saw that his brothers were were too. Leo was sitting nearby Donnie and Splinter, his arms wrapped around his knees, and Raph was holding Mikey, who was sobbing uncontrollably.

“What...what is going on?” Donnie murmured. What could have happened that had shaken his family so?

Splinter kept a tight grasp on Donatello, not saying a word. He was simply whispering a prayer of thanks.

Leo looked up, staring his brother straight in the eyes. “We had lost you Donatello,” He spoke this almost in a monotone manner, but it was simply the fact that he was trying to keep back the tears. It wasn’t that that had bothered Donnie though- no, it was the use of his full name. It made him sound just like older Leo. And that Leo...was a nightmare.

“Lost me?” Donnie asked. 

“You weren’t breathing!” Mikey cried out, “You weren’t breathing...” Shaking, Mikey reached out for his older breathing, placing his fingers over his mouth.

“Mikey?” Donnie whispered. “What are you-” He couldn’t fathom what his brother was doing.

“Breath. You’re breathing. You’re okay...” Mikey whispered, giving Donnie one of the biggest hugs he had ever given him. “You’re okay...”

Donnie took a sharp breath in, and looked at Master Splinter, then Leo, then Raph, and finally Mikey. He couldn’t hardly process all of this. First they hated each other...now they were standing by each other’s sides...helping each other...they were a family. That’s what they were. They were a family. Or were they? Donatello couldn’t wrap his head around it. There were to many memories...and to many feelings...he was drowning in a sea of emotions.


End file.
